"Here we go again", I thought.  "Another failed relationship, another heartbreak, another name to add to my list of exes. "Why am I so hard to love, so hard to choose? Why doesn't anyone want to love me?"

These thoughts CONSTANTLY plagued my mind. It was like being stuck on repeat. Different time, different guy, different relationship, but same outcome. I could not for the life of me figure out why I hadn't found love. True love. You know the kind we see in movies, on commercials, or even that our friends or Instagram pages said they had. Why was God showing up for them and sending them love, but not me? What was I doing wrong? Was it me?

The truth, beloved? It was me, but not for the reasons I thought. I thought that if I changed the way I dressed, got my finances in order, had the look and talk of someone worthy of love, a man would realize that I was worthy and give me what I have been desiring my whole life. I thought I could just "fake it til I made it!" Pretend that I had all of this confidence and love for me. But none of those things made me feel fulfilled. All of those things just left me more tired, more desperate, and worst of all, I was my own worst enemy! I hated me for having to fake it. I hated me for not getting it right. I hated me for being unable or unwilling, it seemed, to love me. 

 

Then one day, that last straw came tumbling down. I was a new mom and I no longer had a choice. I had to get right for the little soul that was depending on me to be okay, to be the model of loving self and honoring self. I could no longer afford to just get by, I had to take action and I needed change not now, but right now! It was that day that I went out and sought help. I started sharing with close loved ones what I was struggling with. I prayed and put my feet to pavement to find help. Then it became clear. The Lord made the steps and connected the dots for me. All I had to do was keep going! Keep talking, keep searching, keep trusting that I could find help for what I was drowning in. 

 

I was still frustrated, and my head was a blizzard of fears, anxieties, and questions that I had NO answers for. I wanted to change, but how? I just needed SOMEBODY to show me the way. Tell me the secret, be the bridge between where I was and where I wanted to be. I am so grateful that I found that bridge. To be honest, I didn't just find it, I had to build it! With practical steps. hard work, and dedication, I built my bridge brick by brick and board by board until I was finally able to cross over it and into the place God had always intended me to be. There was a love out there for me. He was showing up in my life to give me that love, I just had to find it within. 

 

If you have found yourself saying some of the same things I've said or had the same questions I did. You are looking for the bridge, Beloved. Allow me to walk beside you and help you with the tools and supplies you need to build YOUR bridge to the greater love you have been waiting and praying for.